Learning how to control your emotions is supposed to be the answer to a lot of situations we face.
How to Become “Unfuckwithable”?
But is it really?
Most of us are driven by our feelings because of a simple misunderstanding.
We misunderstand what creates feelings and how we function as human beings.
We innocently believe that our feelings come from events that occur outside of us.
Someone does something that makes us feel a certain way.
Something happens that makes us feel a certain way.
We spend a lot of time controlling your emotions.
We also avoid people and situations in which we feel in a certain way.
We do not want to be surrounded by “toxic” people and we do not want to be tied to things that “trigger” us.
But here is a thought:
What if people and situations around us did not create feelings and emotions?
What if it’s our perception of situations and people that create the feelings we have moment after moment?
Because the truth is that what people are doing and what is happening at every moment is not the cause of your feelings.
This basic principle is what guarantees that we could be in the same room and have the same experience, but FEEL different about it.
And that’s because we “see” or “perceive” things differently.
What you feel about certain things is always an internal job.
And most of us already have an idea of that …
That’s why we spend time trying to “think” positive thoughts to make us feel better.
But positive thinking in itself is not the key. It does not always work.
What I’m trying to say here is:
Feelings are not just an inner job …
You also do not need to “think” in a certain way to feel good.
The key is to understand that not only the thoughts that pass through you create your feelings every moment …
They are all temporary and are not as strong and tangible as you think.
They will pass.
A new thought will come and better feelings will come with it.
Because that’s the way the system works.
When thoughts pass through you, you feel them.
You keep some thoughts longer so that you feel longer.
When you stop to dive into the mind and try to correct your thoughts, they take care of themselves.
You have nothing to do because of the feelings you feel every moment. Your feelings are not the leader of you.
There is a kindness to the design of our minds. It always gives us new perspectives on situations – if we allow it.
This new perspective engenders different feelings about situations.
And it happens moment by moment.
The less we try to dive and intervene, the faster it happens.
How many times have you thought of something that made you so angry …
… And then your perspective changes and you feel different?
The situation has not changed. You just had a new thought about it.
Some time ago, I was so mad at someone. I tried to call him without any answer.
I sent an unanswered email and I also sent a text message, but I did not answer either.
There were all kinds of thoughts in my head.
I imagined that all kinds of problems would go wrong in my company because I could not contact her.
Emotions and feelings were close to the surface because of these thoughts.
I swore I would go elsewhere with my things.
A day later, I received a call.
Apparently, she was at work.
It happened suddenly and it was not time to do anything but go get the baby. But the work was fine.
For me, it was a perfect example of how our perception creates our feelings.
I perceived that she was careless, so I felt a certain path about it.
The work she was doing had not changed.
She had only given birth and had to have the baby – without my knowledge …
..But the work was always in the background.
It was always on the right track.
My perception of the situation is what has changed.
I did not know she was at work. My thoughts created feelings and I allowed them to drag me for a day.
If I had allowed myself to regain my quiet state of mind by default, I would not have needed the phone call to tell me anything.
A new thought on the situation would have come.
I still did not know she had started work, but I would not have had thoughts of neglect all day.
Because I know what I know about the nature of thoughts and feelings…
A new perspective would come once I would have allowed myself to stop pursuing a particular story in my mind.
Events and situations are never the stories you tell in your head.
But the stories in your head determine how you feel about them.
You are not your feelings…
When you can see that you are not your feelings,
And when you can see that you are separated from the interaction of your thoughts and feelings …
You are less likely to try to discover how to control your emotions. Because you will start to see that it has nothing to do with you.
It is the life that moves through you.
You must do nothing but put yourself in your mind and let it pass.
Does this mean that you will not feel different emotions every moment?
That means you can easily spot what’s going on.
You can see the thoughts that are moving in you and you understand the corresponding feelings that accompany those thoughts.
You are less likely to have instinctive reactions or to suffer needlessly.
What’s going on outside has nothing to do with what’s going on at all times in you.
In fact, your feelings are signals that tell you when to ignore certain thoughts that are going through you.
You will know the thoughts to ignore because they tend to be the ones that persist unreasonably.
They are the ones who drive you away from your innate wisdom and the sense of peace that is our nature by default.
So, what is the hack to know how to control your emotions?
The stories that play in your mind every moment about things you witness outside are what creates your feelings.
And these stories can and will be corrected if you deviate and allow them.
The only time they become a problem is when you dive and try to change them.
They hang around longer when you do this and cause more chaos.
The hack to know how to control your emotions is as follows:
When you learn to use your emotions as traffic signals, you will find that it is not necessary to avoid feeling all kinds of emotions.
They play an important role. They act as a filter for the thoughts that pass through you every moment.
Feelings that move you away from your default peaceful state tell you at all times that the thought that is going through you is not the one you want to pursue.
Because the more you pursue it, the more you will feel worse.
It’s so simple.
We just like to complicate things a lot more.
Your feelings are NEVER the leader of you, they are a useful tool to help keep you in balance.
But only if you allow them to guide you and follow the signals they send.
You do not have to control your feelings. They are here to serve you. ALWAYS.